"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
Tom Clancy
"You know 'that look" women get when they want sex?...... Me neither."
Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
Lynn Lavner
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
George Burns
"Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. ! Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
George Burns
"As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients, " but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian. "
Roger Matthews
"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free Is that sex for money usually costs a lot less!"
Brendan Francis
"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses"
Mrs. Patrick Campbell
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman!"
Maryon Pearson
"If your life at night is good, you think you have everything"
Euripides
"If a woman seeks education it is probably because her sexual apparatus is malfunctioning."
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert DE Niro
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld
"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers
“You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Elmo Phillips
"Anyone who eats three meals a day should understand why cookbooks outsell sex books three to one."
L. M. Boyd
"For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time."
Isabel Allende
"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."
Joan Rivers
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